Question:

Answer: Condomless sex is a perk that allows us to put up with our partners’ crazy families.  It’s only natural that many of us would rather have sex au naturel – it’s about sensation, pleasure, intimacy, and trust.

However, to stay HIV- and STD-free while sexually active, condoms are still our best option.  So, we protect ourselves during random hookups, booty calls, and budding romances.

But, is there need for safe sex once you get serious?

Researchers say: “Yes!”

Dr. Patrick Sullivan of Emory University, looked at HIV transmission among gay/bi men and found that 68% of men who became HIV-positive acquired it from “a main sex partner.”  This was due to “a higher number of sex acts, more frequent receptive roles in anal sex, and lower condom use during anal sex” with main partners.

Dr. Colleen Hoff, of San Francisco State University, found nearly half of studied gay couples were nonmonogamous and emphasizes the need for true consensus on “sexual agreements” between partners. Hoff explains, a broken (or unclear) sexual agreement “can make both partners vulnerable to HIV.”

Here are some pointers:

- Use condoms for 3 months with new partners (because it takes time for HIV to be detectable in the body), then test and talk.

- Work with your partner to negotiate robust sexual agreements.

- Discuss how to disclose and deal with a break in an agreement.

- Continually revisit agreements.

Be Well,
Peter

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[Peter Pointers is here 4 YOU, as a service to LifeLube readers - whatever question you may have regarding sexual health, physical health, mental/emotional and spiritual health - ask him. He will find the answers you are looking 4. from a team of experts Below is a recent Q&A you may be interested to read.]

Q: My boyfriend and I are both infected with Chlamydia. I’m picking up my perscription to treat it this morning, he, however, can not get his meds until next Friday. If I kiss him, while I’m undergoing treatment, and he’s not treated for it, can I extract it again?

A: Thanks for your question!  I’m happy to hear that you were tested and are seeking out treatment for your infection.  Way to take charge of your health!

You ask a very good question, and one that is important to be mindful of after treatment.  Of course, you don’t want to get reinfected right after taking your meds.  In regards to kissing, you will NOT be able to contract Chlamydia through kissing your boyfriend on the mouth or other body parts (this does NOT include his penis and anus).  What you should be careful of is performing oral sex on him (both genital and anal) and having sexual intercourse. If you do choose to have sex or to perform oral sex, using a condom will greatly reduce the chance of becoming reinfected.

Now, there is another option for getting meds for your partner(s).  In some states, it is legal to get what is called Expedited Partner Therapy (EPT), which is a fancy way of saying that a doctor can give you an extra dose of medication or a prescription for your partner so that they can get treated faster.  Therefore, you will be less likely to get reinfected.  The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (the national organization for health in the U.S.) has a webpage with lots of information on EPT here There is even a map of states where it is legally available. [You can do it in Illinois.] However, just because it’s legal in your state doesn’t mean that every doctor is willing or able to do it.  If you decide to pursue EPT and need help finding somewhere to get it, let me know – I’ll help you out.

Lastly, remember what your doctor tells you about treatment and resuming sexual activity.  After taking the drugs, you may have to wait some time before you can have sex again.

If you have any other questions, please feel free to ask!  Good luck!

Read more and/or ask Peter Pointers your own question on LifeLube!

A: Thank you so much for your question. I’m happy to hear that you are educating yourself about different risks involved with sexual activity. To give a short answer to your question, yes, this is a possible risk for HIV transmission. Since the eye has a mucous membrane and since semen is one of the four bodily fluids that transmit HIV (the other three being blood, vaginal secretions, and breast milk), infection is theoretically possible. However, there are some important pieces of information that you can consider. There are relatively few HIV transmissions through fluid contact with the eye (most of those being medical providers that had blood spray into their eyes). It’s difficult to know, with semen in the eye, however, if a transmission occurred because of contact with the eye or because of other sexual contact (which often occurs before or along with the money shot to the eye).

Read more and/or ask Peter Pointers your own question!