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GayHealthBlog: Is an open relationship for me?

David S. Novak — Thu, 20 May 2010 12:31:54 +0000

www.youtube.com/watch?v=MnQwUlrvs10

Q: My boyfriend just dropped a bombshell on me…he wants an open relationship, saying he loved me but wants to have no strings sex outside the relationship. I’m stunned and don’t know what to do.

A: You have to look at your own values about what you want in a relationship. Some people want monogamy and loyalty, while some are turned on by their partner having sex with other people. It all depends on what you want in a relationship and what your partner wants. If you’re going to be in an open relationship, talk about it with each other. Too many relationships are in ‘don’t ask, don’t tell’ open relationships, where they don’t talk to each other. Talk about the rules and then revisit those rules over time. If you decide you don’t like it, pull the plug on it. Most of all, be true to yourself, no matter what you decide. — Greg Cason, PhD Read more from the GayHealthBlog

GayHealthBlog Q&A: Will HIV meds keep me healthy forever?

David S. Novak — Fri, 16 Oct 2009 02:47:34 +0000

ASK the DOC: Will HIV meds keep me healthy forever?

I’m a 24 year old gay man, and I just started a once a day HIV med, but am being treated at a public clinic and didn’t ask enough questions of the doctor. I’m wondering how long I will have to stay on medication and if I will ever have to take more than one pill in the future? Will I be able to stay heathy?

Given that you are asking these questions, your health care provider is really not spending nearly enough time with you! These are important questions and a lot depends on your comprehension of the answers. As of today, this moment in our knowledge of HIV treatment, once someone starts on medication, it’s forever. Ideally your numbers are going to improve, your T cell count go up and your viral levels fall to undetectable.

If you take your medication incorrectly, skip doses or stop altogether, those numbers are going to revert very quickly. If you are on Atripla, which is the only antiviral regimen so far that is one pill once a day, that is a great regimen and it works extremely well and will work for many years provided you NEVER miss a single dose. If you start missing the virus could become resistant to the medication and you’ll need a different regimen. No other regimens are as simple as Atripla.

But yes, you can stay very healthy for many years taking medication for HIV.

Next time you see your provider you should insist that they spend a little more time with you going over this stuff. It’s really important that you feel comfortable and knowledgeable about what you’re doing. Good luck!
– Susan Ball, MD

Unemployed?

David S. Novak — Fri, 25 Sep 2009 15:09:28 +0000

ASK THE LIFE COACH: Unemployed? Here’s A 4-Step Self-Esteem Boost

Q: I was laid off earlier this year and have been unemployed now for almost six months. In addition to the financial stress, my self-esteem is plummeting. What can I do right away to feel better about myself?

A: Often when things happen TO us we believe it happens BECAUSE of us. Then we may begin to doubt ourselves or tear ourselves apart. Don’t take a job layoff personally—you have a lot of company out there right now–and recognize that you CAN create your own solution.

Here are some reminders that may help you. Let yourself dip in and out of them; be fluid in your actions and feel a flow that is right for you.

*Feel your Feelings: Embrace all of them. How can you do that? Just get curious, then see what happens. And remember, it is OK to be angry, mad, sad and even a little bit bad. This is part of our humanity and part of our learning process. There’s a saying, “When that hot wind blows, lean into it.” We can resist and sweat and complain about what we are feeling or we can really experience it. If we do, our viewpoint will often shift and we will live from a freer, more positive perspective.

*Face your Fear. Often we spend time and energy running from something that we can’t even name. It is usually the monsters we can’t see that have the scariest faces. So turn on the light and have a look-see. You may be delighted to discover that some of the faces are friendlier than you thought and others simply melt away. A great mystic has said, “The mind has no power of its own. We have given power to the mind; we have to take it back.” As another great philosopher said, “If not now, when?” Read more from Ask the Life Coach

Were you bullied as a kid?

David S. Novak — Sun, 20 Sep 2009 23:21:27 +0000

FIGHT OR FLIGHT? Turning the Tables on Bullies…

For many gay teens, being bullied is akin with acne and angst—it’s part of growing up.

The bully’s menace is equally familiar: The name-calling, the beckoning to meet after school, and the wary walks home, peering over your shoulder. But this horror often doesn’t end with adolescence. Studies say that as many as 87% of gay men have a history of verbal harassment, 25% have had objects thrown at them, up to 37% have been chased or followed, and as many as 24% have been physically assaulted (10% with a weapon or object) – all for being perceived as gay. Read more on the GayHealthBlog.