When it comes to safer sex, gay and bi guys know our stuff. After all, our community invented safer sex, and studies show that we practise it the most.

That’s why this website isn’t telling you what you already know. We want to go beyond the basics and tackle more advanced questions gay and bi guys have about sex, pleasure and risks. Condoms are still the best protection we have. We talk about condoms, and also how to reduce your risk in other ways.

• Isn’t it safer on top?
• Can I fuck without a condom if my HIV viral load is undetectable? Are there drugs to prevent HIV?
• Is it dangerous to party and play?
• Who actually uses a condom when they’re in a relationship?

You might be surprised at the answers. We just give you the facts and let you make your own decisions. We all accept different levels of risk every day, and that’s okay. What matters is that we have enough information to be comfortable with the risks we take. All of the prevention strategies in this resource contain elements of sexual health risk.

We put this information together because we care about our community – our right to health and our right to have a good time. We care about you.  We don’t think you should have to choose between pleasure and health. In fact, we think you can’t have one without the other.

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Penis Size

Common Questions and Answers About Penis Size
By Cory Silverberg, About.com Guide

Penis size is determined entirely by factors out of our control. Yet penis size may be the single greatest cause of anxiety for men young and old. Questions about penis size abound; What’s the average penis size? Can I increase my penis size? Does penis size matter as much as I think it does? Some of these questions have easy answers, most of them don’t.

What can safely be said is that concern about penis size is almost always misguided. Great sex is much more than the sum (or length) of its parts. Hopefully learning more about what researchers and regular folks have to say about penis size may help more men understand that.

What Is an Average Penis Size?

Data on what the average penis size is, both in terms of length and girth, as well as an explanation of the problems with measuring penis size and determining global statistics on average penis size.

Who Cares More About Penis Size, Women or Men?

Is bigger always better? Does penis size matter to the general public? Here’s what research tells us about the importance of penis size.

Think Your Penis Is Too Small?

There are some very simple reasons why most men think their penis is too small, here they are.

Bad Penis Science: What’s Wrong With Penis Size Research?

One of the reasons that it’s so difficult to find accurate global data on average penis size is that measuring penises is a lot more complicated than you might think. As a result there is a lot of bad research out there on penis size.

How Do I Measure Up?

There is a tendency to compare yourself to others, and if most of your sex education has been from pornography, comparing your penis size to the images you see on your computer screen or TV may not be a good thing. Here’s the real story on how you measure up, and the trouble with comparing penis size.

Is There a “Right” Penis Size?

Is there such a thing as your “genital soul mate”? Does penis size play a role in how well you and a partner are matched sexually?

Do Penis Pumps Work?

They’re marketed as permanent penis enlargers, and you get emails every day praising their effectiveness. But do penis pumps really enlarge the penis?

What Is a Micropenis?

Learn more about what does, and does not, qualify clinically as a very small penis. Most men who think they have one don’t.

What Is Small Penis Syndrome?

A new proposed diagnosis for men who are anxious about their penis size despite being shown that they do not have an unusually small penis.

Read more.

By Steven Petrow
02.25.2011 11:00am EST

Q: How do gay people decide these days what words to use to refer to their significant others?

I’m not really comfortable calling mine my “lover” (although he insists on calling me that), but the word “partner” is confusing: Business partner or life partner?

It seems to me that the language keeps changing in this area; even some couples who have gotten hitched don’t like “husband” or “wife”!  Do you have any advice on where to begin?

A: I definitely agree that it’s confusing. And, there sure are a lot of options in play these days in the LGBT community—and some very strong feelings out there about what people don’t want to be called. Regardless of the particular legal status of a relationship, you’ll likely hear everything from boyfriend/girlfriend, beau, life partner, spouse, lover or husband/wife to “my sweetie pie.”

The truth is that it’s pretty much up to the two of you to decide what terms to use. I’m reminded that years ago when Miss Manners was asked this question regarding straight couples, she punted, humorously suggesting: POSSLQ, which stands for Persons of Opposite Sex Sharing Living Quarters (pronounced possel-que). Perhaps, she might suggest PSSSLQ, for Persons of the Same Sex Sharing Living Quarters – or not!

Fortunately, manners don’t dictate anything about the propriety of one phrase or another. If there’s any rule here, it’s that you respect each other’s wishes. For instance, it doesn’t sound like you’re okay about your guy calling you his “lover.” So I really do suggest speaking up about that.

Whatever the two of you decide—and yes, you may very well want to be called quite different things—think of this as a chance to find a decent description of your relationship, partly for each other and partly to make things easier on everyone else.

Read more.

Steven Petrow is the author of the forthcoming Steven Petrow’s Complete Gay & Lesbian Manners. Send him your question to: ask@gaymanners.com

Pergunta: Meu namorado e eu tenho sérias para um tempo agora. Podemos perder o preservativo, certo?

Resposta: O sexo sem preservativo é um privilégio que nos permite colocar-se com as famílias dos nossos parceiros louco. É apenas natural que muitos de nós prefeririam ter au naturel do sexo – é sobre a sensação, prazer, intimidade e confiança.

No entanto, para ficar HIV e DST-livre, enquanto sexualmente ativa, as camisinhas ainda são a nossa melhor opção. Então, nós nos proteger durante as conexões aleatórias, chamadas de saque, e brotação romances.

Mas, há necessidade de sexo seguro, uma vez que você levar a sério?

Os investigadores dizem: “Sim!”

Dr. Patrick Sullivan, da Emory University, olhou para a transmissão do HIV entre os gays / bi homens e descobriram que 68% dos homens que se tornaram HIV-positivo adquirido a partir de “um parceiro sexual principal.” Isto foi devido a “um maior número de actos sexuais , sendo mais freqüente papéis receptivo em sexo anal, e menor utilização de preservativo durante o sexo anal “com os principais parceiros.

Dr. Colleen Hoff, do San Francisco State University, constatou que quase metade dos casais homossexuais estudados foram não-monogâmicas e enfatiza a necessidade de um verdadeiro consenso sobre “acordos sexual” entre os parceiros. Hoff explica que um partido (ou claro) um acordo sexual “pode fazer ambas as partes vulneráveis ao HIV.”

Aqui estão algumas dicas:

- Teste de Usar preservativos para três meses, com novos parceiros (porque leva tempo para o HIV podem ser detectáveis no organismo), em seguida, e conversar.

- Trabalhar com o seu parceiro para negociar acordos robusto sexual.

- Discutir como divulgar e lidar com uma ruptura em um acordo.

- Continuamente rever acordos.

Seja Bem,
Peter

Q: Meu namorado jogou uma bomba sobre mim … ele quer um relacionamento aberto, dizendo que me amava, mas quer ter sexo sem cordas fora do relacionamento. Estou chocado e não sei o que fazer.

R: Você tem que olhar para seus próprios valores sobre o que você quer em um relacionamento. Algumas pessoas querem monogamia e fidelidade, enquanto alguns estão ligados por seu parceiro ter relações sexuais com outras pessoas. Tudo depende do que você quer em um relacionamento e que seu parceiro deseja. Se você está indo estar em um relacionamento aberto, falar sobre isso com os outros. Demasiado muitos relacionamentos são ‘não pergunte, não diga “relacionamentos abertos, onde eles não falam uns com os outros. Falar sobre as regras e, em seguida, revisitar as normas sobre o tempo. Se você decidir que não gosta, puxar a ficha sobre ele. Acima de tudo, ser fiel a si mesmo, não importa o que você decidir. – Greg Cason, PhD Leia mais da GayHealthBlog

Ask Alan about love, romance, and relationships (and anything) else here!
*All private information is kept confidential

This is my inaugural column for LifeLube. As I sit here staring at a blank screen wondering what I can say to you, reader, about the vast subject of love, romance, and relationships, I am feeling a bit overwhelmed. There is so much to tell you. As a psychotherapist for 15 years, I have devoted much of my practice to the mystery of love. How to find it, sustain it, give it, receive it, savor it, lose it, and on and on. I have learned a lot over the years from my clients, countless books, articles, seminars, and from my own personal struggles with it. Yet I always return to the question, “Why is love so difficult?” The resounding response that repeatedly occurs to me is simply, “LIFE is difficult. And LIFE is LOVE. Therefore, LOVE is difficult.” (Ah yes of course, the Transitive Property of Mathematics!)

OK, so let’s start with the premise that LOVE is difficult. Now where do we go? It’s deplorable that in our culture, our education curriculum includes so little to prepare us for Life’s most important experience. Yet we sit through endless class periods of subjects that might be cool to learn about, but offer no real guidance about the things that really matter. “Oh that, dear students, you’ll have to learn on your own. We don’t teach that here.” As an adult, I complained about this, quite vocally out loud for a long time until I decided to do something about it. So years ago, I created a coaching class of sorts for gay men about navigating the challenges of dating, romance, and love. It was wildly successful and well received. Knowing I was on the right track, I began offering it to people of all genders and sexual orientations. Over time, I came to realize that regardless of the diversity inherent among all of us, we are all looking for the same thing: To love and be loved. Together, through the sharing of experience, and learning new ways of thinking about and creating love and romance, we can unlock the mystery of the greatest challenge and most rewarding gift of our lifetimes.

Read more.