Source: www.thesexyouwant.ca Home Page

When it comes to safer sex, gay and bi guys know our stuff. After all, our community invented safer sex, and studies show that we practice it the most.

That’s why this website isn’t telling you what you already know. We want to go beyond the basics and tackle more advanced questions gay and bi guys have about sex, pleasure and risks. Condoms are still the best protection we have. We talk about condoms, and also how to reduce your risk in other ways.

• Isn’t it safer on top?
• Can I fuck without a condom if my HIV viral load is undetectable? Are there drugs to prevent HIV?
• Is it dangerous to party and play?
• Who actually uses a condom when they’re in a relationship?

You might be surprised at the answers. We just give you the facts and let you make your own decisions. We all accept different levels of risk every day, and that’s okay. What matters is that we have enough information to be comfortable with the risks we take. All of the prevention strategies in this resource contain elements of sexual health risk.

We put this information together because we care about our community – our right to health and our right to have a good time. We care about you.  We don’t think you should have to choose between pleasure and health. In fact, we think you can’t have one without the other.

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Penis Size

Common Questions and Answers About Penis Size
By Cory Silverberg, About.com Guide

Penis size is determined entirely by factors out of our control. Yet penis size may be the single greatest cause of anxiety for men young and old. Questions about penis size abound; What’s the average penis size? Can I increase my penis size? Does penis size matter as much as I think it does? Some of these questions have easy answers, most of them don’t.

What can safely be said is that concern about penis size is almost always misguided. Great sex is much more than the sum (or length) of its parts. Hopefully learning more about what researchers and regular folks have to say about penis size may help more men understand that.

What Is an Average Penis Size?

Data on what the average penis size is, both in terms of length and girth, as well as an explanation of the problems with measuring penis size and determining global statistics on average penis size.

Who Cares More About Penis Size, Women or Men?

Is bigger always better? Does penis size matter to the general public? Here’s what research tells us about the importance of penis size.

Think Your Penis Is Too Small?

There are some very simple reasons why most men think their penis is too small, here they are.

Bad Penis Science: What’s Wrong With Penis Size Research?

One of the reasons that it’s so difficult to find accurate global data on average penis size is that measuring penises is a lot more complicated than you might think. As a result there is a lot of bad research out there on penis size.

How Do I Measure Up?

There is a tendency to compare yourself to others, and if most of your sex education has been from pornography, comparing your penis size to the images you see on your computer screen or TV may not be a good thing. Here’s the real story on how you measure up, and the trouble with comparing penis size.

Is There a “Right” Penis Size?

Is there such a thing as your “genital soul mate”? Does penis size play a role in how well you and a partner are matched sexually?

Do Penis Pumps Work?

They’re marketed as permanent penis enlargers, and you get emails every day praising their effectiveness. But do penis pumps really enlarge the penis?

What Is a Micropenis?

Learn more about what does, and does not, qualify clinically as a very small penis. Most men who think they have one don’t.

What Is Small Penis Syndrome?

A new proposed diagnosis for men who are anxious about their penis size despite being shown that they do not have an unusually small penis.

Read more.

By Steven Petrow
02.25.2011 11:00am EST

Q: How do gay people decide these days what words to use to refer to their significant others?

I’m not really comfortable calling mine my “lover” (although he insists on calling me that), but the word “partner” is confusing: Business partner or life partner?

It seems to me that the language keeps changing in this area; even some couples who have gotten hitched don’t like “husband” or “wife”!  Do you have any advice on where to begin?

A: I definitely agree that it’s confusing. And, there sure are a lot of options in play these days in the LGBT community—and some very strong feelings out there about what people don’t want to be called. Regardless of the particular legal status of a relationship, you’ll likely hear everything from boyfriend/girlfriend, beau, life partner, spouse, lover or husband/wife to “my sweetie pie.”

The truth is that it’s pretty much up to the two of you to decide what terms to use. I’m reminded that years ago when Miss Manners was asked this question regarding straight couples, she punted, humorously suggesting: POSSLQ, which stands for Persons of Opposite Sex Sharing Living Quarters (pronounced possel-que). Perhaps, she might suggest PSSSLQ, for Persons of the Same Sex Sharing Living Quarters – or not!

Fortunately, manners don’t dictate anything about the propriety of one phrase or another. If there’s any rule here, it’s that you respect each other’s wishes. For instance, it doesn’t sound like you’re okay about your guy calling you his “lover.” So I really do suggest speaking up about that.

Whatever the two of you decide—and yes, you may very well want to be called quite different things—think of this as a chance to find a decent description of your relationship, partly for each other and partly to make things easier on everyone else.

Read more.

Steven Petrow is the author of the forthcoming Steven Petrow’s Complete Gay & Lesbian Manners. Send him your question to: ask@gaymanners.com

Question:

Answer: Condomless sex is a perk that allows us to put up with our partners’ crazy families.  It’s only natural that many of us would rather have sex au naturel – it’s about sensation, pleasure, intimacy, and trust.

However, to stay HIV- and STD-free while sexually active, condoms are still our best option.  So, we protect ourselves during random hookups, booty calls, and budding romances.

But, is there need for safe sex once you get serious?

Researchers say: “Yes!”

Dr. Patrick Sullivan of Emory University, looked at HIV transmission among gay/bi men and found that 68% of men who became HIV-positive acquired it from “a main sex partner.”  This was due to “a higher number of sex acts, more frequent receptive roles in anal sex, and lower condom use during anal sex” with main partners.

Dr. Colleen Hoff, of San Francisco State University, found nearly half of studied gay couples were nonmonogamous and emphasizes the need for true consensus on “sexual agreements” between partners. Hoff explains, a broken (or unclear) sexual agreement “can make both partners vulnerable to HIV.”

Here are some pointers:

- Use condoms for 3 months with new partners (because it takes time for HIV to be detectable in the body), then test and talk.

- Work with your partner to negotiate robust sexual agreements.

- Discuss how to disclose and deal with a break in an agreement.

- Continually revisit agreements.

Be Well,
Peter

Peter Pointers on LifeLube, E-mail Peter, Friend Peter on Facebook

]]> http://www.manhuntcares.com/2010/05/qa-white-spots-and-open-relationships/feed/ 6 http://www.manhuntcares.com/2009/12/new-lifelube-column-dating-and-mating-with-alan-irgang/ http://www.manhuntcares.com/2009/12/new-lifelube-column-dating-and-mating-with-alan-irgang/#comments Tue, 08 Dec 2009 17:49:07 +0000 David S. Novak http://www.manhuntcares.com/?p=3275

Ask Alan about love, romance, and relationships (and anything) else here!
*All private information is kept confidential

This is my inaugural column for LifeLube. As I sit here staring at a blank screen wondering what I can say to you, reader, about the vast subject of love, romance, and relationships, I am feeling a bit overwhelmed. There is so much to tell you. As a psychotherapist for 15 years, I have devoted much of my practice to the mystery of love. How to find it, sustain it, give it, receive it, savor it, lose it, and on and on. I have learned a lot over the years from my clients, countless books, articles, seminars, and from my own personal struggles with it. Yet I always return to the question, “Why is love so difficult?” The resounding response that repeatedly occurs to me is simply, “LIFE is difficult. And LIFE is LOVE. Therefore, LOVE is difficult.” (Ah yes of course, the Transitive Property of Mathematics!)

OK, so let’s start with the premise that LOVE is difficult. Now where do we go? It’s deplorable that in our culture, our education curriculum includes so little to prepare us for Life’s most important experience. Yet we sit through endless class periods of subjects that might be cool to learn about, but offer no real guidance about the things that really matter. “Oh that, dear students, you’ll have to learn on your own. We don’t teach that here.” As an adult, I complained about this, quite vocally out loud for a long time until I decided to do something about it. So years ago, I created a coaching class of sorts for gay men about navigating the challenges of dating, romance, and love. It was wildly successful and well received. Knowing I was on the right track, I began offering it to people of all genders and sexual orientations. Over time, I came to realize that regardless of the diversity inherent among all of us, we are all looking for the same thing: To love and be loved. Together, through the sharing of experience, and learning new ways of thinking about and creating love and romance, we can unlock the mystery of the greatest challenge and most rewarding gift of our lifetimes.

Read more.

[Peter Pointers is here 4 YOU, as a service to LifeLube readers - whatever question you may have regarding sexual health, physical health, mental/emotional and spiritual health - ask him. He will find the answers you are looking 4. from a team of experts Below is a recent Q&A you may be interested to read.]

Q: My boyfriend and I are both infected with Chlamydia. I’m picking up my perscription to treat it this morning, he, however, can not get his meds until next Friday. If I kiss him, while I’m undergoing treatment, and he’s not treated for it, can I extract it again?

A: Thanks for your question!  I’m happy to hear that you were tested and are seeking out treatment for your infection.  Way to take charge of your health!

You ask a very good question, and one that is important to be mindful of after treatment.  Of course, you don’t want to get reinfected right after taking your meds.  In regards to kissing, you will NOT be able to contract Chlamydia through kissing your boyfriend on the mouth or other body parts (this does NOT include his penis and anus).  What you should be careful of is performing oral sex on him (both genital and anal) and having sexual intercourse. If you do choose to have sex or to perform oral sex, using a condom will greatly reduce the chance of becoming reinfected.

Now, there is another option for getting meds for your partner(s).  In some states, it is legal to get what is called Expedited Partner Therapy (EPT), which is a fancy way of saying that a doctor can give you an extra dose of medication or a prescription for your partner so that they can get treated faster.  Therefore, you will be less likely to get reinfected.  The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (the national organization for health in the U.S.) has a webpage with lots of information on EPT here There is even a map of states where it is legally available. [You can do it in Illinois.] However, just because it’s legal in your state doesn’t mean that every doctor is willing or able to do it.  If you decide to pursue EPT and need help finding somewhere to get it, let me know – I’ll help you out.

Lastly, remember what your doctor tells you about treatment and resuming sexual activity.  After taking the drugs, you may have to wait some time before you can have sex again.

If you have any other questions, please feel free to ask!  Good luck!

Read more and/or ask Peter Pointers your own question on LifeLube!

]]> http://www.manhuntcares.com/2009/10/gayhealthblog-qa-will-hiv-meds-keep-me-healthy-forever/feed/ 10 http://www.manhuntcares.com/2009/10/ask-joe-long-distance-relationships-drug-addicted-boyfriends/ http://www.manhuntcares.com/2009/10/ask-joe-long-distance-relationships-drug-addicted-boyfriends/#comments Wed, 07 Oct 2009 19:41:27 +0000 David S. Novak http://www.manhuntcares.com/?p=2605

Ask Joe: Advice on Long-Distance Relationships and Drug Addicted Boyfriends

RealJock’s advice columnist, written by regular contributor, Joe Weston.

Joe is a life coach, workshop facilitator, lecturer and peace advocate who believes we all can find a desired level of personal fulfillment and inner peace through the practice of deepening, illuminating and integrating the various aspects of our lives. Looking for some clarity on tricky issues in your life? Share what’s on your mind with Joe—concerning work, personal awareness, love and romance, meditation and spiritual exploration, or just about anything else that’s on your mind.

Write to Joe:
Reaching Joe couldn’t be simpler: just email your question to joe@realjock.com. Your identity will be kept anonymous, but do note that questions may be edited for length and clarity.

Hi Joe,
My partner of 25 years recently admitted to having abused prescription drugs for the last two years. I noticed at about the same time every month that he would be acting strange to the point where I thought he had a neurological problem or, God forbid, some sort of brain malfunction or even tumor. I’ve come to find out he was taking a whole month’s prescription of both zanex and vicodin in a one week period. How he functioned I don’t know, though he did end up getting laid off from his job, and in retrospect I think it had to be from the pills. He would be like a walking zombie, almost falling asleep standing up. When I found out about this back in January I naturally threatened to leave him, and I was so relieved when he gave them up. Yet last month I discovered that he was back at it again. At the same time, he (coincidentally?) came down with pneumonia and was hospitalized for five days. He had a chest tube to clear his lungs. Even so, his doctors don’t know of the abuse. Could this bout of pneumonia have been in some part caused by his drug abuse? Is he pulling a Michael Jackson on me where his organs are being effected by repeated drug use?
—His Better Half?

Dear Better,
So let me get this straight—your partner of 25 years is taking a whole month’s prescription of Xanax and Vicodin in one week, gets laid off from his job, gets pneumonia and is hospitalized. And you are asking me if he has a drug problem and if the drugs are causing his illnesses? What were you thinking? What have you been saying to him? What have you been putting up with? What has kept you from an intervention? If you haven’t done it yet, it’s time to get your head out of the sand and start taking action! It seems that your partner is not capable of taking care of himself at the moment. If I understand the facts correctly, your partner is a drug addict and needs some serious support. And so do you! Go immediately to an Al-Anon meeting, do not pass go, do not collect $200!

The first issue that needs to be addressed is saving your partner’s life—both physically and emotionally. The next step is looking at how you have managed to stand by and watch the man you love spiral down to bottom. Not to mention all the pain and suffering this has probably caused you and all your own personal needs that have not been dealt with. You are probably a very caring and giving man. You probably put others before you. Well, sometimes speaking up and demanding action and taking care of your own needs is the most compassionate thing you can do for someone, even if it hurts them or pisses them off. Speak your truth, see the truth, dear, dear man!

Read Joe’s advice about Drug Addicted Boyfriends on RealJock

Q: Hi Doctor,

I was wondering if you had any advice on what to do with a prince albert? I just recently started dating a guy that has one. He’s the first guy I’ve been with who has one. I usually love to give head but I haven’t to him because I’m not sure how to handle it. I don’t know how to begin. What do I do?

Piercingly Puzzled

A: Puzzled,

Let me first holler at the Queerlove readers who may not be familiar with Prince Albert beyond rudimentary knowledge of the Royal Family.

A Prince Albert, or PA, is a body piercing where the ring or barbell is inserted into the male’s piss slit/urethra (to clarify, we are talking about the penis here), and then comes out through a pierced hole right below the glans, at the frenulum. It is widely held that this piercing heightens your sexual experiences by increasing sensitivity. It also improves sex for the other partner since the ring allows the top to better hit that (meaning those special prostate spots).

In regards to fellating a PA, I can understand your hesitation. The gauge or size of the ring may be daunting, but even if it isn’t huge, the idea of sucking a dick with a foreign metal object attached to it might take a minute to get used to. If your partner has a simple steel ring or barbell, meaning no fancy stones or dangling ornaments, you should be in no danger of choking on something. Just make sure the ring ends are tightly screwed on before taking them in your mouth.

Personally, I enjoy playing with a guy when he has a PA. Andy thinks its weird when the ring hits his tooth fillings, so if you have metal tooth fillings, it might cause a weird sensation. But for the most part, any awkward sensation is mental and will become less irksome with time. If you happen to have a tongue piercing, there is a slight chance the two rings might snag you. They might also get caught in each other. If this happens, stay calm. Most of the time, they unhinge easily.

Read more.