LifeLube: Subconscious Death-Wish of a Gifted, Young Man
via TheBody.com, by Terron J. Cook
On my very first day in San Francisco I find myself in a well-known theater on Nob Hill. Downstairs there are video booths, most containing glory holes. The walls between the glory holes are truly by design, allowing for an empty, anonymous sexual act to occur, while blocking any opportunity for true intimacy.
I enter a booth next to a man I’ve made eye contact with. I pull my cock out, place it through the glory hole, and the well-built, handsome man on the other side sucks me for a while. There’s a pause, and he whispers for me to come to his booth. I enter, he strips, and I slowly turn him around. I place the head of my cock at the entrance to his ass, simply to see if he’ll stop me.
In the heat of the moment, he allows me to have my way. I slowly penetrate this hunk of a man. In the back of my mind, I know what I’m doing is wrong, and this one isolated, unprotected sexual encounter could lead to my ultimate demise. However, I proceed without hesitation.
Risky behavior has always been so appealing to me! The rush that it provides makes me feel so alive! A new city, multitudes of opportunities, and here I am willing to ruin it all, just to “bust a nut.”
“What the fuck is wrong with you?” I ask myself, but it’s too late to think “safety” at this point. I clear my mind, wrap my arms around this man, and shove myself inside him as hard as I can and shoot my load. I pull out of him, wipe off, and realize I’ve entered a new stage of my life making wrong decisions, again.
“When will this behavior cease?” I ask myself, while trying to avoid the eyes of the stranger I’ve just fucked raw. Will it take me becoming HIV positive to learn this lesson? I dress, clean up, and feel a sense of darkness, realizing just how many years have passed. Yet I’m still partaking in the same ignorant behavior . . .
A restlessness comes over me, as I realize the covenant that I have made with myself, as well as GOD, is now in place. If this is the case, then why the hell am I continuing to behave in such a dangerous manner, and refusing to wear condoms? I have dodged the “bullet” many times. With my refusal to adhere to safe sex, I continually wonder if my game of Russian Roulette will soon come to a very unhappy and unfortunate conclusion.
Honestly, what does such behavior stem from? Being beat down mentally, physically, and spiritually during our formative years greatly contributes to it. For me, I think it all began while growing up in Columbus, Ohio. I was molested by my middle-school history teacher, who happened to be an older Caucasian man. For a while, I thought dealing with my sexual trauma was my biggest worry — until my father was murdered 11 years ago.
Okay, this story here is really deep & true, i do understand what this guy & where he is coming from. My main objective of the story , is that i have met & do know lots of guys, who r looking & also giving the “Gift Of P.O.Z”but here n the south where i live & work, but also an out-spoken activist of this issue. I too live an wild life of drugs,sex,partying, & a very rich life-style, but i have watched & taken care of Friends who have contracted the virus & some have asked me, why am i not POZ? Today i am HIV-, but i have been here & there while others r doing what they love most(No Glove)= No Condoms, this make u feel so alive when it’s RAW, but we all know what we need to be doing, we know the risk that we r taking when this act is performed. So why do we do it? Now i work with an agency here & i see lot of the clients online(Cruise Sites) but i talk with them & they don’t know that it is me on the other end, but when i am n my office, i pull them to the side & ask them “WHY”? U know your stats , but u tell folks that u r HIV- & that’s not true, they answer i get, Well they didn’t ask me about my health stats, so i guess it didn’t matter if i am P.O.Z -or- NEG , okay i want go on but i leave it at that with them after i am through speaking with them. I don’t understand my BROTHERS of all races, Why can we not use a condom what’s wrong? Now i do know that a good hard cock is good to feel from time-2-time, but hell with the way the Government is treating this thing, we have nothing. So the moral of this story that this Brother has shared with us all, should not go unread. It’s time to make some big Changes in our lives. Folks, this is my opinion & the way i feel about the life we have. This story is well put &it does leave something to the mind.
Me encontre con la pestaña salud y me llamo la atencion, creo que es importante que un sitio que promueve el contacto entre hombres gays tambien promueva una vida sexual sana y reflexionen acerca del valor de la vida y lo importante de tener relaciones sexuales con condon
felicidades